Thursday, June 16, 2005

Vet Tails

Well, I finally got the Tall Mama off her fat ass long enough for me to dictate the Vet Adventures from this past Monday. We should have suspected something was up when Short Mama brought those "sleeping huts" up from the Playground Sunday night. We all took turns taking naps in them, but come Monday morning, SM was trying to shove Pecker-'moker in one of them when it was clear that he did not wish to go in. So that tall bitch comes over and gets him in the hut while SM goes off looking for Pecker's twin, Asher. Well, let me tell you a little something about Asher. He may act like a retard, but he knows when to hide from the Mamas...and where. Those pasty-assed fools must have searched for him for 20 minutes until they relaized they needed to get moving. Knowing that I had already gone to the vet, I casually nodded my head in FatBoy's direction. Tall Mama picked up what I was saying and next thing you know, Greyson's queen-sized ass was behind chains up and heading out the door. Asher didn't come out of hiding all afternoon. Little does he know that he has been re-scheduled and the Mamas plan to lock his furry ass up till it's time to go. He is a retard.

Turns out that both Smokey and Greyson were healthy, but Greyson has packed on 3 lbs since last year. Thanks fat-ass! Now we are all on diets. And HRM also needs this funky shit to help his joint pain. What a tool. Tall Mama felt so bad she put his picture all over her blog. Suckass.

Nothing new as far as the Ghetto bastard is concerned. He hasn't succeeded in tripping the SM, but he keeps on trying. No offense, but my money's on him.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

No sleep for the wicked

Many people think that cats are nocturnal. Many people are dumb asses. While I can't speak for all of the cats in the world, I will admit that I would rather sleep through the night than go out prowling. Of course, the Tall Mama can't get to sleep so all of us are awake. She is so involved in her computer that she doesn't see that I have logged onto Short Mama's PC and just downloaded 20gb of gay kitty porn. Gawd but I can't wait for her to go back to work. Our daytime schedule has been completely destroyed and I fear that if we cancel on Cleo and Leo (the neighbor cats) once more, we will be kicked out of the YMCA (Young Male Cats Association). And the next meeting is about hairball prevention. I say that the best way to prevent the little buggers is to have someone else lick you.

The little ghetto bastard found a dime-bag of kitty weed hidden on top of the refrigerator and knocked it down. He dragged it to the carpet, then ripped it open and rolled in it. He tried to charge the rest of us 5 Scooby snacks to play in it, but Greyson reminded him of the blackmail photos and he relented. Pretty ballsy play for a creature with no balls. Of course I had barely coated myself in it when that gimpy mama came and snatched it up. Like she thinks we can't get that cupboard open. Stupid human.