Friday, September 02, 2005

Smart Pet

I have been watching a lot of news this week with my Mamas. I see the devastation that the hurricane brought and I even understand why the Mamas take turns yelling when the Chimp-Faced man is on TV. Everyone talks about the loss of human life but few mention the pets and other animals that have been left behind, or who have died. No one mentions that those being bussed out of the city were forced to leave their pets behind. I don't think Tall Mama could survive if I wasn't there to make her life easier. She depends on me too much.

Tall Mama told me she is making a donation to PetSmart in all of us cats' names. Tall Mama says she is blessed to be here with Short Mama and her "boys". I guess I won't cough up a hairball in their bed tonight.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Vet Tails

Well, I finally got the Tall Mama off her fat ass long enough for me to dictate the Vet Adventures from this past Monday. We should have suspected something was up when Short Mama brought those "sleeping huts" up from the Playground Sunday night. We all took turns taking naps in them, but come Monday morning, SM was trying to shove Pecker-'moker in one of them when it was clear that he did not wish to go in. So that tall bitch comes over and gets him in the hut while SM goes off looking for Pecker's twin, Asher. Well, let me tell you a little something about Asher. He may act like a retard, but he knows when to hide from the Mamas...and where. Those pasty-assed fools must have searched for him for 20 minutes until they relaized they needed to get moving. Knowing that I had already gone to the vet, I casually nodded my head in FatBoy's direction. Tall Mama picked up what I was saying and next thing you know, Greyson's queen-sized ass was behind chains up and heading out the door. Asher didn't come out of hiding all afternoon. Little does he know that he has been re-scheduled and the Mamas plan to lock his furry ass up till it's time to go. He is a retard.

Turns out that both Smokey and Greyson were healthy, but Greyson has packed on 3 lbs since last year. Thanks fat-ass! Now we are all on diets. And HRM also needs this funky shit to help his joint pain. What a tool. Tall Mama felt so bad she put his picture all over her blog. Suckass.

Nothing new as far as the Ghetto bastard is concerned. He hasn't succeeded in tripping the SM, but he keeps on trying. No offense, but my money's on him.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

No sleep for the wicked

Many people think that cats are nocturnal. Many people are dumb asses. While I can't speak for all of the cats in the world, I will admit that I would rather sleep through the night than go out prowling. Of course, the Tall Mama can't get to sleep so all of us are awake. She is so involved in her computer that she doesn't see that I have logged onto Short Mama's PC and just downloaded 20gb of gay kitty porn. Gawd but I can't wait for her to go back to work. Our daytime schedule has been completely destroyed and I fear that if we cancel on Cleo and Leo (the neighbor cats) once more, we will be kicked out of the YMCA (Young Male Cats Association). And the next meeting is about hairball prevention. I say that the best way to prevent the little buggers is to have someone else lick you.

The little ghetto bastard found a dime-bag of kitty weed hidden on top of the refrigerator and knocked it down. He dragged it to the carpet, then ripped it open and rolled in it. He tried to charge the rest of us 5 Scooby snacks to play in it, but Greyson reminded him of the blackmail photos and he relented. Pretty ballsy play for a creature with no balls. Of course I had barely coated myself in it when that gimpy mama came and snatched it up. Like she thinks we can't get that cupboard open. Stupid human.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

A New Day

I sometimes wonder just what the hell it is about human beings that makes them so stupid. I mean really, you never see a cat following another cat's lead unless you know that there is a bowl filled with tuna at the end of the journey. And even then, you stick around just long enough to get your fill, then it's off to lick yourself and take a nap.

Human drama, especially the on-line variety, is the most confusing. I could not understand why the tall mama was pounding on keyboard yesterday as she defended herself to two individuals she thought were friends. Humans are just dumb. Fight over someone biting you in the balls, but don't waste time arguing over perceived injustices that were actually innocent actions. What a waste of good nap time.

So it looks like The Mamas will be staying at the big house during spring break and not driving to Canada to visit with the other cats' owners. Between you and me, I am glad. No one cleans the cat box like the short one does. And the tall one always gives me cheese.